I want to be a more consistent blogger, I wish I could post inspiring content everyday and publish survivor stories on a consistent basis. The simple truth is I struggle with depression, it gets bad every winter and this year was one of the worst.
I used all my strength and energy trying to make my family a home out of this basement and just flat out worm myself to the bone. Life for me is hard right now. I just simply have nothing left to give, I doubt that I have an ounce of fat left on my body
I had an operation in February to cut the left sublingual nerve in my tongue to stop a pain I have been having in my tongue for the last three years, this pain has felt just like my cancer did and for the last three years every time I would eat I would feel this pain and be constantly reminded of my cancer 23-ish years ago. This was very hard. I have PTSD for a reason.
The operation worked this time, we tried a year ago and it failed, it took me a long time to try again. I would say it worked too good. While the pain is gone now my whole tongue burns with the numbness. I can enjoy my food again and I no longer have the stress of having cancer, those worries went away as soon as the nerve was cut. Unfortunately the operation forced me to learn to eat food again.
I had to learn to eat all over again. To be honest this has been pure hell. for the first few months nothing would work. I can no longer feel the food in my mouth and I kept getting large chunks of food stuck in my throat. This has been really really hard.
It's been 4 months and I'm just starting to get it down. I had started volunteering on a farm learning about farming in trade for meat, but in April I was laying down some hardwood flooring in the basement and something struck and broke my collarbone. I have been in a lot of pain and have been very depressed.
The bone is taking it''s time to heal because it was irradiated during my cancer treatments 23 years ago, radiation is the gift that keeps on giving. In cancer years I'm old. Back in the early 90's radiation was a lot different than it is today and I required the maximum amount they could give me to ensure my cancer was dead.
Because this bone the the skin covering it were treated with radiation the bone will be slow to heal. Next month if the bone is still being stubborn my insurance will cover a bone simulator, whatever that is, and it should help promote healing in the bone.
While the pain levels are decreasing, I can still feel that the bone is compromised. If it won't heal I could end up with a permeate fracture or a full on broken bone. My right collar bone was broken about 8 years ago and it is still broken. It took me a long time to heal and get back on my feet.
I have doctors orders not to ride my bike and I'm doing the best spinning my wheels waiting for the bone to heal. I might be looking at spending the entire summer with a broken bone. It's hard not to let depression set in.
I have some Epic Survivor stories I'm excited to share, sorry it is taking me so long. I'm doing my best.
Thanks for the support
Sean the Epic Adventure Guy
I'll add some photos and edit this post soon. I just wanted to get something published!
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