Ever since I started working on Epic Survivors I keep pushing my boundaries. At 17 when I first had cancer I was not very strong. I became really depressed and spent much of my life depressed. Not eating was hard on that 17 year old boy. I guess it has been 23 years now since my first operation. I tried really hard to forget all of this and now I'm listening to others stories. I find that these stories are helping me to heal.
This week a friend of mine who shared her story with Epic Survivors is having a laryngectomy tomorrow and as I write this I'm chatting with her. Most of these memories have not been relived in over a decade. I have been fighting off a lingering winter depression. between learning to eat food again with a tongue that is numb has been hard. Harder than I expected. Remembering the first time I had to learn to eat again after 10 years of not being able to eat was hard. I have had a really hard time of letting go of foods that I can no longer eat. Now that my tongue is numb I just can't eat the same as I could before. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. I'm really stubborn. The hardest to give up has been steak. I just can't enjoy eating it. I'll keep trying it from time to time, but I can't afford the calories.
Spinning my Wheels
So my arm is doing a lot better this week. The new sling the doctors gave me really helps. I have been keeping it out of the sling longer and longer. I have good range of motion that is steadily improving. I'm still having pain issues when I move the arm, thankfully the painful movements have been reduced to a few very specific movements. After looking at the X-ray. The doctor told me I need to stay off the bike for three more weeks until she can X-ray it again to see how the bone is healing. It's being really stubborn. Because it was treated with radiation back in 1993 it's just going to be slow to heal. It's been two months now. If it's still not healed or showing signs of improvement we can try a bone stimulation treatment.
I really need to get back on the bike. I have honestly been going a little stir-crazy. I need to be out living and taking my kid to the park and on other adventures. I'm sure I can ride my bike now, maybe I should. Being on my bike always makes me feel better and help me manage my pain.
Helping myself by Helping others
I'm a little scared to get back on the bike. I really can't take another fall. In the near future I'm going to switch to riding a recumbent tricycle. I want to enjoy life and be out riding my bike, but I need to be kind to my body and learn to listen to it. It's taken three or four resent broken bones to get my attention. Well I'l starting to listen.
I'm really proud to be able to be here for my friend. Having a major life changing operation like a laryngectomy is hard, it was really hard on me and I had already had a few major operations. It's been 13 years since my Lary. I have really struggled to find my path in life. Life is still a major struggle. My family is having a lot of hardships. Darlene crashed her bike last week, nothing broken, but she has gotten up and gone to work everyday. She is in a lot of pain and it's just been hard on everyone. We are currently looking for a place to rent. Darlene and I would like to find something close to her work while Eva would like something by her cousins. I just want to live in a good school zone. We are still struggling to save enough money to move out before our lease is up. Once my arm is usable I'll have a lot less stress and be able to get some work done.
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